An Apology

I believe I owe everyone an apology. I haven’t even looked at the blog in weeks, possibly even a month. With everything going on in my/our lives right now it just come close to being at the top of the list of important things to take care of and for that I am sorry.

Between family issues, the death of my estranged father, worry over my grandmother copying with the loss of her second son, worry over my Aunt who is ill and how my grandmother is coping with that (her now only surviving child), Chris still working because he is considered essential, and of course overjoyed waiting for our grandson to be born, but at the same time concerned because it will be in the hospital with this virus running rampant.

As with Kim’s first birth, our beautiful granddaughter Scarlyt, I will be Kim’s birthing coach…. meaning I will be in the hospital with her. This time will be so different. While I am thankfully still allowed to be there with her, I am not allowed to leave the hospital to come home at all. If I leave the hospital at any point I will not be permitted back in and she is stuck there alone. Her husband can’t be there because that would leave Scarlyt alone and technically I can’t go spend that time with her because we aren’t supposed the be going to anyone else’s homes. It is a big old “clusterf**k” in the world right now and we are trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

It was Scarlyt’s 2nd birthday last weekend and it broke our hearts that we couldn’t actually spend it with her. We had to watch her open her gifts via Skype. While it was wonderful seeing her adorable little face, it wasn’t even close to being a replacement to scooping her up in my arms and kissing her whole face and squeezing her tight! I can’t wait for that day!

I have, or I hope I have, everything ready in my go bag for the hospital… sort of like when it was my time for the big day. Her due date is now only 10 days away. I have spent the last few weeks preparing gifts for the new baby and making a cute “Big Sister” gift bag for Scarlyt. All things I will post at some point when life becomes something other than just another day of worry about family members. I am hoping the joy of welcoming a new grandbaby into our lives will temper some of the worry. The thought of holding him for the first time alone makes me smile and brings a little tear to my eye and any grandparent will understand lol.

Sorry for the very long winded, probably whiny sounding apology. I guess I needed to get a few things off my chest. Maybe I need to start a journal or something to get some of these things on paper and out of my head???

On a side note….speaking of getting things on paper and out of my head… while all of this has been going on and dredging up old, unpleasant memories, I finally started writing my book, my story. I have thought about doing it for years and I think I have finally reached the point in my life where I can actually do it! I am only about 2 chapters in, but I have at least started it! Coming to bookshelves near you…. eventually (I hope) “Unwanted” by Pseudonym lol!

7 thoughts on “An Apology

  1. We all understand needing to take care of ourselves and our loved ones. It always comes first. Wishing you all good health and a happy, healthy baby!

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  2. So glad to finally read this post. I clicked on it a couple of days late and came to a page that no address could be found!! For days I clicked every which way I could and found nothing.
    I was so sad to think your apology was that you were quitting the blog! And I couldn’t even get to the post to find out for sure.
    Then tonight while cleaning out my mailbox I clicked again and lo and behold, you’re back!
    Everyone is in the same discombobulated boat right now so please, with everything else that’s going on in your boat, don’t worry about us!
    As I write this it’s past time for that new baby to be here. I hope it went well, and if he’s (?) taking his time, you can’t blame him. He’ll be here when the time is right.
    So take a deep breath and just enjoy the time with your daughter. Snuggle that new baby while you can, write in a journal to get rid of some of the pressure you put on yourself, make notes of all the posts you’ll write when thing slow down and take care of yourself!
    We look forward to your return when things become a little more routine again.
    All my best, Jan

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss, but excited about your new grandchild and book. These are such confusing and stressful times, so please take care of yourself.

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